Blue Hand

(click to enlarge)

July, 1995
Oils on Paper
19”x 25.5”
Framed 32.5”x 45”

This is the Be-Deviled XV card in Lane's Greenwitch Tarot:

Fear is our worst enemy yet MUST be danced with. So much to be afraid of. Unknowns of climate change and the fierce sides of the sacred elements of Earth, Water, Air and Fire: earthquakes, tsunamis and floods, tornados and wildfire. Bodily ills plague us, the result of our culture’s misuse of power over nature. Generations of patriarchy, war, fascism, and injustice. Fear of dying and loss. Although we should know the media stokes our fears, it is hard not to fall into the paralyzing abyss of despair. Perhaps most importantly, our fears include being seen for who we are. To be out. To believe the woowoo being whispered in our ears. Of admitting what is buried inside us. Bucking the norm to BE who we truly are in our power and our Light. To recognize our Soul Self and our mission. This painting happened when I was first recognizing a deeper level of the metaphysical and beginning to dance in a new way with my power to become more truly my witchy self in my small town community and my family constellations. Would I lose those I love? I’m assured by Spirit that we will not be burned this lifetime but the traumas of the Burning Times, enslavement and other persecutions run deep and can be debilitating. Raven goads and encourages each step onward into the abyss.

What fears hiding in plain sight are holding you back? Can you identify and work with them? How do you peel back the layers that bedevil you? Take off the mask. You deserve to do this work. In fact,you were born to do this work. Acknowledge and be grateful for what you’ve already uncovered and accomplished. Breathe and commune with or take some Devil’s Club Essence (Strength VIII) to heal past traumas and to give courage to move forward. It’s well worth the process.

Journal 8/21/95

When several paintings had hands flung off the page, my homework assignment from my Heros painting group was to "paint the hand."

There is a huge mask from previous paintings that I feel a need to explore. But I’m afraid of the dark….Blood dripped down the left side – thinking of my bloody C-section painting ["Fierce Compassion"] – and filled a kind of sloshing red place at the bottom. Very satisfying. I love the bloody part. A raven flies in the upper right – my new omen-bringer. I carefully painted in a spiral with my new brush. It’s a whirlpool now or a tunnel going down. I feel I must dive into it – and will when the time comes. A green dancing or swimming or jumping figure – not my body type at all. More the African Negro or Bushman with her high boobs, long legs, and pouty butt. Is she dancing with abandon to unheard music or leaping through the ocean, down, down??

Why do I consider being out on the limb, exploring the unknown to be so fraught with things going bump in the night? Is it a bargain that I’m making that if I prepare for the worst it won’t be so scary? Am I picking up on my parents’ feeling that exploring oneself and the depths of the unknown will be full of unspeakable terrors? And will surely land one in the loony bin. I must be trusting that it will turn out well or else why would I need to do it – be driven to the task?

Is the masked figure Tom – or at least have an element of Tom?

The mask can be symbolic of the masks we all wear and must peel off like the proverbial onion to be true to ourselves and each other. Tom had another interesting hit – that the mask is something interesting waiting to be inhabited. The Greeks, Africans, Chinese, among others felt that their masks really came alive when someone put them on. Is there a character there for me to explore? I like the idea of putting it on – then I can speak with the mouth that I am also committed to diving into.

Living out loud indeed….